OnlyCans: Thirst Date is a wonderfully weird can dating game where you flirt with kinky soft drink cans until they open their ring-pull and spray their contents everywhere!
In OnlyCans: Thirst Date you essentially screw your way through the entire roster of different soft drinks from a Coca Cola-esque manufacturer called Shize. This starts off with some fairly simple flavours such as Shize Light or Shize Cherry Pop, but as you progress things get weirder, with such delights as Shive Four Cheese and Shize Veggie Broth with Morphine.
When you select a can to date you get a short paragraph containing a little backstory of its origins, which also helps flesh out the story of the Shize company, and you also get a short paragraph about the can’s personality along with its turn-ons and turn-offs. Your dates with the cans are short but pretty eventful, with you clicking the left and right mouse buttons when prompted to flirt with the can and get it all worked up until it erupts in a fountain of fizzy liquid. Manage to achieve a grade C or higher with your can dating endeavour and you’ll be able to move onto the next (and most-likely weirder) one.
It’s a very weird game that with production values that have no right to be as high as they are for what is essentially a (very funny) parody dating sim. The voicework is fantastic and the cans are beautifully rendered – all glistening with moisture and dressed up in silly kinky outfits. It also does a great job of telling the story of the Shize company through the can’s descriptions and things get particularly weird towards the end. A cantastic little fizzy drink dating game that’ll leave you all shook up!
Controls: Mouse – Point & Click
Available On: Windows